Inside the mind of Tilly

And sometimes I think that I’m not any good at all
And sometimes I wonder why, why I’m even here at all
But then you assure me

I’m a little more than useless
And when I think that I can’t do this
You promise me that I’ll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once

I’m a little more than useless
And I never knew I knew this
Was gonna the day, gonna be the day
That I would do something right
Do something right for once

but God is good. 

Today I said good bye to my best friend of 6 years.

Hurt. Pain. Emotions I’ve never felt before take over.

I can remember going to her mothers funeral together. 

I held her hand while she cried. I cried myself to sleep that night. She was another mother to me. I stayed at the whole funeral but never got the courage to go up to her casket and say goodbye.

I remember roller hockey together.

Best sport ever. Especially with your best friend and cookies.

I remember swing dancing.

My best friend never really could figure out how to dance. We had such a good time laughing about it though. 

I’m really going to miss you best friend.

I am confident that neither life nor death can keep me from the love of Christ.

Though I can not see, still my heart believes.

And I am filled with joy inexpressible.

His love goes deeper than the pain that I feel.

His love is strong than depression we feel.

Why did I cry when you said you’d never leave me?

Why did I cry when you said you loved me?

Why did I cry when you told me I was safe?

Why did I cry when you told me I could trust you?

These questions haunted me for 20 years before I found out the answer. Maybe we were made for this reason? Made to never be left. Made to be loved. Made to be safe. Made to trust. 

These are the things we all strive for. Live and breath to have.

Maybe God made me and you to be this way.

Not this way with people because people will fail you again and again.

God can’t fail you. 

His gift of these promises can not be earned or taken away.

They are a gift all you have to do is accept it.

Never thought I’d get to say that.