Inside the mind of Tilly

It is so much harder than I thought it would be to tell people I’m going to rehab for my panic attacks and an eating disorder…

All I want is support.

Not screaming or yelling or people thinking I’m crazy when

I’m

Not

CRAZY,

I’m

Ill.

Why can’t people be understanding…

Oh gosh… I can’t take this stress.

Thoughts spinning. Hearts racing.

“Tilly do you need to go to the nurse?” Mrs Stacy asks as she shes me struggling to breath.

I better not have a panic attack… Not in here. There are so many people in here. I don’t want them all staring at me.

I ask to go out in the hall.

I make my way out into the hall and lean on the lockers.

My heart is pounding. My hands are tingling. I can’t breath. I can’t see.

All of a sudden I’m on the floor, gasping for air.

I hear My teacher “Tilly, I’m going to call the nurse. Okay?”

Her words sound fuzzy and burred as I try and piece them together.

Stars fill my eyes till I’m passed out again…

I wake to the mean nurse hitting at my hand.

Ugh… Not again.

Celexa, Cymbalta, Mirtazapine, and Clonazepam were the only things holding to from having a panic attack.

Heart beats fast and my hands begin to shake.

As I look at the clock in my head I’m thinking… Mirtazapine already wore off… Clonazepam is wearing off. Celexa can’t do it alone and Cymbalta is only for my depression. I’m shrewd.

I run towards Miss Leas office and fall to the ground. Thoughts go racing through my head and then my mind goes blank. I can’t see. I can’t breath. I feel my ribs start to hurt. My body goes numb.

I can feel Miss Lea put my head on her highs. I wake up from passing out to the nurse looking over at me and Miss Lea strokeing my hair.

“Everything’s fine. You’re going to be okay”